Every plan we made over the past year for this summer- travel wise - pretty much crashed and burned - and all because of me. I didn't go out of my way to have it all fall to pieces; but it was because of me that every plan did. That has not been an easy pill for me to swallow. I've prayed more Rosarys and lit more candles than even I consider to be normal. But I'm chalking it all up to God not wanting us to leave the wonderful Sunshine State. It's a safe statement to make and since I'm a woman of faith - I tend to believe that we are (or aren't) where we are supposed to be because of the man upstairs.
My husband's work schedule allowed for our departure the end of June.
My body had other ideas.
Diagnosed in March of 2011, I didn't do much in the way of researching the ailment but rather chose to celebrate the fact that I was not dying of bone cancer. The severity of my pain was such that I postponed seeing a doctor. All I wanted was to accomplish was to get through October when our youngest son was planning to marry. However, the pain was of such intensity in my lower extremities - I was secretly begging God each night to take me away. Well that didn't happen; but seeing a specialist was in the cards and her 'cocktail' of two RX drugs did the trick. I didn't have cancer I was going to live. After a few weeks on the magic pills I was doing so well that I set about planning a solo adventure to Maine and Nova Scotia. I was feeling great and I made plans only 9 days before departure. I actually boasted 'what could happen in the next 9 days???"
I had a major Rheumatoid Arthritis flare-up strike me the 2nd week of June. It's severity, and my lack of understanding of the ramifications of a flareup were not even on my radar.
On Thursday July 14 it was t - minus 6 days and counting. I was so excited and feeling great. I bought my road atlas for USA and Canada; new orthopedic insoles for my new expensive New Balance Sneakers and did all the things I needed to do to leave for 10 days. I was proud of me, Bob was proud of me, my sons were proud of me. I had never done a trip by myself. I was going to see my college roommate from the University of Maine and then to Vogler's Cove in Nova Scotia to see a friend who recently built their home. It was all about me. And if you know me - it is NEVER, EVER about me.
On July 15th the unthinkable happened; as I entered a grocery store to shop, I went to get a cart and an employee of the store slammed into me with a row of shopping carts she had brought in from the parking lot. I felt like I had been shot in the back!!! The searing, tearing pain made me feel as though I would pass out, I wanted to vomit and in the fraction of a second the impact generally took what air that was in my lungs - out of them. My ears were full of a hissing sound. I turned a bit but remember feeling glued to the floor; I was afraid to move; I was afraid my back was totally screwed up and the pain down the leg only added to my fears.
My mind sped like warp speed in my head; I can't possibly get Evan's birthday cake, I won't be able to make an extra pan of chicken Parmesan for him. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to call Bob. It was amazing to think back at how my damn mind was spinning in all directions. I wanted to close my eyes and open them and stroll over to get a birthday cake. Instead I was assisted into the store where I gingerly shuffled in and eventually sat down.
So here I sit weeks later; against an upside down horseshoe pillow people use when on their necks when they fly.
I spent 8-11 days solid lying on the floor in the rec room downstairs; ice, ice, more ice. The bruise slowly turned into an odd blend of blacks, purples, yellows and greens. The good news is I'm slowly improving.
I don't want to plan anything anymore. I'm too old for the curve balls life throws at me. It will be a very hard thing to do since I am not built that way. I am organized; have procedures for everything and take delight seeing a plan come together and am even more delighted when it all comes to fruition.
My plan from now on is to have no plan. I'll let you know how long that lasts.
My wish is that you are all having the most splendid of summers and your plans are working out.
Peace and Love.
